Gaydar

The other night Jeannette and I went to this new bar with a bunch of other foreigners that was owned by two young Japanese brothers. The bar was about the size of my kitchen in Montreal, fitting only about seven chairs around the bar.

As two Japanese people entered the bar, everyone else left. Which was good, because I don't know how they would have fit in the bar. The girl was in a kimono, and immediately started talking to me and Jeannette. It turns out nobody spoke enough good English, and so we had to resort to primitive noises and gestures in order to communicate.

At one point while trying to describe a question for us, she had a cigarette pack on the right, a lighter on the left, and a pair of chopsticks in the middle. We had no idea what she was asking, and how all three of these objects related to each other. Finally it dawned on Jeannette: She had made a scale of sexuality, the cigarettes being 'Homo', the chopsticks being 'Straightu' and the lighter being 'Lezzu'.... of, of course! At this point it started to get uncomfortable, as she was obviously very drunk, and winking and licking her lips at Jeannette. She said she was a lighter - a Lezzu. I don't think this type of question is very common, and either it is quite obvious that I'm gay (which I just thought would not be too obvious in Japanese society were the guys spend so much money and time on clothes and their hair), or Jeannette and I happened to find the only gay hotspot in Tokuyama.

Either way, we both got molested by her, as she got up from the bar, she kissed me on the lips, and then proceeded to bite on Jeannette's nose while nuzzling Jeannette's head on the rough silk of her kimono... Yeah. Not awkward at all.

The point is, gaydar is international, all you need is the instruction manual in your language.