Friday, April 13, 2007

This is Enough!

Global warming has been linked to many phenomena, and we are told that there are many more events that are likely to occur and are largely unknown. Now it's coffee. Yes people, go and hug your coffee machine, because it will have to go.

Cafés will be hard hit, as less and less people will be able to afford this black gold. No longer will you be able to serve yourself to roasted coffee beans in bulk. As a result of too many people filling up their bags and dashing without payment, coffee roasters and grocery stores will have to serve you from behind the counter, much like cigarettes and Tylenol 222's. You'll have to order your coffee from the man or woman behind the bullet-proof glass.

For me, i have already sprouted my coffee plant seedling. I'm waiting until Montréal's climate becomes warm enough that i can have my own backyard plantation. I urge you all to prepare yourselves for this grim future... a grumpy, sleepy and cranky one.


Jazzophile said...

Did you know that a full grown coffee plant will only produce about a pound of roasted coffee? That's 500 grams. That usually lasts the average person less than a month.
And then there's several steps that need to be taken before it ends up in your cup. So you'll be craving your caffeine for at least 5 to 7 years before you get a cup of coffee out of it.

Jeannette said...

but i just got addicted. now you`re taking it away?

i guess im glad i live in the US, because even though there is a shortage we`ll still get it for dollars cheaper than the rest of the world.

god bless america.

Stony Curtis said...

dude--try green tea. it's much more sustainable, every bit as delicious, and theophylline (tea's version of caffeine) is much more "buzzy" and not so "jolty".